The weather in Houston recently has been uncooperative as of late, and after I found out my game was cancelled yesterday evening I couldn't bring myself to do anything. Which hopefully is not a recurring theme, but in any case I got to check out a decent sushi joint and a terrible movie. Which makes two terrible movies in as many weeks, so if you're thinking of seeing a movie this month. Don't.
The Book of Eli
Denzel Washington as a bad ass, Gary Oldman as a bad guy, Mila Kunis as a cast member, what else needed to said. I was in, and excited even for the somewhat ridiculous premise (Denzel as Eli protecting the last copy of the bible from falling into the wrong hands ,Oldman as Carnegie, in post nuclear-apocalypse America) I was excited on the way to the theater, getting the tickets, finding a seat, excited. Then the movie started, and lost me immediately. I'll give you the movie in a nutshell, Eli has the last bible on earth and is on a journey with the protection of God to go somewhere with it, Carnegie runs a town but dreams of more and wants the bible to control people (most of whom seem to be illiterate) through religion (the oldest trick in the book). They cross paths, Eli gets the best of Carnegie, then Carnegie gets the best of Eli and the book, but Eli continues on and completes his journey.
Glossed over a lot there, here are the more ridiculous parts of the movie. Eli basically killing people at will if they attack him, despite being absurdly outnumbered (becoming even more ridiculous with the twist at the end). Being able to cover an amount of ground on foot that motorized vehicles couldn't cover in the same day (really the part of the movie that I lost all hope, they can't track him down in their cars despite the fact that he's travelling on roads and through areas they know well). The cannibals not just devouring Eli and Mila Kunis once they are trapped, but inviting them in for tea, and then the arsenal they keep under their couch cushions. Then Eli, after evading Carnegie and his men for two days and having an epic standoff against them with the help of the cannibals gives up the bible to save Kunis's life. Turns out he's been reading it long enough to have it memorized (why didn't he just give it up earlier? I don't know). He continues on his path after being shot in the stomach with no medical care around and makes it from a Desert to San Francisco on a single tank of gas. This goes along with him being able to cover immense distances in too short a period of time throughout the entire movie, ridiculous. Continues surviving the abdomen bullet wound, and finds a rowboat (miraculously) and rows to Alcatraz (on a whim and against some very strong currents in the San Francisco Bay) to find the cradle of civilization (a group of folks trying to restart civilization one work of art and book at a time). Then the twist of the movie (skip down or stop reading if you don't want to know) Eli is blind, and the bible that Carnegie got his hands on is in Braille and is therefore worthless to him. Which just opens up more questions like, how is Eli such a good fighter/hunter (don't give me that echolocation bullshit), why didn't he give up the bible sooner if he knew it was worthless to Carnegie, how had he survived initially following the blast, how did he find the guy to recharge his battery, how had he not fallen into a hole walking around for 30 years, how did it take him 30 years to find San Francisco. Stupid. I don't care if you think it's a good message about how faith and religion can be used for good or evil depending on how you use it, this movie was bad, waste 2+ hours of your life doing something else.
Legion
Going in I had really low expectations for this movie, really low, but I thought it would be entertaining. Rogue angel defies God and tries to save humanity from the apocalypse by ensuring the safety of an unborn unwanted child of a relative loser in the middle of nowhere. Sounds like it could be fun. I'll save you my analysis and give you Jackie's. "I wish I had lit my $20 on fire." You've been warned.
Miles travelled so far:
Biking: 173.7
Running: 58.85
Swim: 13.25
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that is too bad, bobby. i was looking forward to them both. (seriously)
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